Hello again hennafire
Your life is full! You have brought up your family. You take care of your husband. You have put your family before yourself for a very long time.
Is it time to take care of yourself? When we do that we have more time for the ones we love.
But what can you do? (and by the way, what’s up with Iowa, no Hot Yoga studios at all! In fact, I have just spent 15 mins on the web searching for Bikram studios or even a local teacher. Not much choice and certainly nothing in the heat, I am sorry to say.)
Have you ever found someone who can relieve your pain with some massage? It seems highly unlikely that your muscles are still torn from injury 37 or 5 years ago. I assume that your back is in spasm and would welcome relief.
I would not go for deep massage originally but perhaps get a referral from your doctor for a proper body worker or sports physiotherapist. The other thoughts I had was to work with a Feldenkrais (which is gentle and restorative) or a Pilates practitioner. Swimming is also a great exercise and least one you don’t have to travel hours for!
You see, I think your body is protecting itself from creating more pain and has become misaligned. Your habitual movements over the years (which are trying to protect you) have helped maintain this misalignment. Your new patterns of movement are now ‘comfortable’ making your condition bearable or at least manageable to some degree. You do mention in your message about trying to balance out the pull to the right with a movement to the left! This can’t be helping you functionally although body awareness is a very useful recovery tool.
When I have spoken or corresponded with students who can’t make it to a studio, I find out if it would be possible to go and have a ‘yoga holiday’ in a place where there are Bikram Yoga studios. I suggest that they go for a week and go to at least 5 classes. I suggest getting in touch with the studio first on the phone and talking with someone who can not only empathize with you and your issues but be there to guide you along. If they know you are there for a limited time then HOPEFULLY they can give you hints and tips in class that you can take home with you, ready for practice at home without a teacher. Practicing at home without some good grounding may make it difficult for you to properly self-assess correct alignment (hence the reason for the holiday).
This may be way out of the question for you. But at least I thought I would flag it. Knowing that you have attended class certainly makes discussing the poses much easier for me in this forum (but is not a prerequisite
).
Let me know your thoughts. I will be here.
Kind regards
Gabrielle