Sit down and grab a coffee, cause this is a long one!!!
It seems that you might be wrestling with what you feel you need to accomplish with this form of yoga. Perhaps you feel you should be further ahead with respect to your practice than you actually are from a purely objective point of view.
I wrestled with this too. I thought after reading Bikram’s book that after a relatively short period of time, I’ll be in alot of these poses. BUT I’m still unable to get even into the first part of Standing Head to Knee after practicing at least 4 times a week PLUS a 30 day challenge since February. In his book, there are so many amazing stories about people who reshape their entire lives, who at the age of 72 who now function like they’re 22, people who were unable to walk without assistance now pull amazing bow poses; people who lost huge amounts of weight can touch their foreheads to their knees in Standing Head to Knee pose. And here I am, at a relatively young age without significant medical conditions or physical challenges, and I can’t even do a decent Standing Stick pose after months and months of consistent practice. So why bother. Maybe this yoga isn’t for me.
The question I had to ask myself is WHY am I REALLY doing yoga? Is it for the satisfaction of having people admire my yoga ability? Is is so I can do a perfect standing bow pose? Is it for health? Is it for a mind-body connection? WHY am I doing this? Do I give up on things that I don’t excel at?
After alot of reflection, this is what I came up with:
1. I started Bikram’s with the “stated” desire to improve my health, strength, flexibility, and balance.
2. I have a type-A perfectionistic personality who needs, quite frankly, to excel as assessed by others.
3. Points 1 and 2 are contradictory.
4. I started to compare my progress and relative lack-therof (in my estimation) with the abilities of others in the class and became frustrated.
5. I started to have the mindset of “why bother, because I won’t ever do these poses perfectly” and “what’s the point”. Perhaps it was the yoga! Maybe I should be moving on to other things!
I was at a crossroads and had 2 different directions in which to go. I could either continue with this form of Yoga or find something else that appealed to me. I knew I couldn’t continue in a half-hearted manner and I knew that taking a “break” would mean quitting completely.
I thought long and hard, and this this is what I came up with:
My body is an instrument and I need to “practice” it for optimal health. Just like with a musical instrument, it sometimes means long, boring hours of repetitive exercises in order to keep in tune. And just like any sports activity, to be proficient means practicing repetitive “beginner” exercises regularly. Think about it—if you are a hockey player at the professional level, you just don’t “play”—you do skating drills, stops/starts, stick handling drills and so on every single day. This is what hockey players have done since the time they started the sport. For ANY activity, you have to practice the basics over and over and over again in order to get anywheres. It can’t be avoided.
The thing that Bikram says that really speaks to me is to “check your ego at the door”. What this means to me is that I can’t compare my abilities to others. There will ALWAYS be someone better than me. There are poses that I may never do. But if I give it an honest effort, I will reap the benefits. Even if my Standing Stick is like a broken umbrella (assuming that I don’t fall over!). Even if I can’t get into the first part of Standing Head to Knee as long as my leg is locked and I give it 100 percent, I’ll progress. My physiology is going to dictate a whole bunch with respect to my ability. Just as I’m too short to be a supermodel, and too tall to be a gymnast, I have physical realities that will affect my ability to perform certain poses. I JUST discovered that apparently I am short-waisted—my torso is shorter than usual and my legs are longer than normal with respect to my proportions. This WILL affect my ability to do certain poses. Such is life!
Sometimes the joy goes no matter what the activity. It gets frustrating to hear people regale me with the “Bikram changed my life” and “I’m ALREADY doing Half Locust perfectly” and “Just a few months ago, I couldn’t touch my toes and NOW I can touch my forehead to my knees!” when I’m struggling. And at times like these, I remember that IF I want the health, strength, flexibility and balance benefits, I have to put in the hours. And maybe the joy will return.
I decided to keep with the Bikrams. I struggle daily with frustration and with comparing my abilities to those of others. It drives me CRAZY when the instructor compliments students on their poses (“Why can’t I do that well?”) Perhaps THIS personality aspect is what I need to deal with. After all, if I switch sports, those issues will still be there (“Why can’t I can’t run 10k in 40 minutes like my DH? I’ve been training for a year?”). Often, IMHO, the “work” of yoga is overlooked and the enthusiasm and miracle stories become the norm and therefore expected. Perhaps alot of us lose sight of the “reality” of yoga—change is slow, some physical things may just not be possible, and the benefits might not be as flashy or dramatic for some as they are for others.
This was my solution. Others who have faced the same struggle have chosen to try other forms of yoga or other sporting activies. For them, this switch has let them regain their joy in movement, their sense of accomplishment, their confidence, and has maintained their mind-body connection. This is a personal choice and and is perfectly valid. The key is to do what is right for YOU (even though this IS a Hot Yoga site—no offense meant to anyone here!).
Perhaps this is the “therapy session” you didn’t want! I just don’t think there are any easy answers…
