ElleE

Maya, Gus! Thank you so much! I really appreciate the encouragement. Well I just got back from my second class (got up at 4:55 to get there for 6am class).
It was a different teacher and I introduced myself to her, told her yesterday evening was my first class and if I need to go out, I hope it’s okay. She was really pleasant and really nice.

I did much better today and actually tried to do many of the postures. I did feel sick at times and sat out a lot also. All in all I think I did okay for second class, my poses look ridiculous because I am extremely overweight, many like the tree I cant even do, but I try at least with my hands.

The teacher was so encouraging and what I really liked about her was, she encouraged me, she helped me adjust my postures and was really pleasant about it all. I really appreciated that. At the end I was just sitting down and she asked me to join in for the breathing exercise, I tried but literally had to vomit and she saw that I was holding it back. She said “babe, it’s okay if you need to go”. I walked out, went to the bathroom, freshened up and came back for savasana. Relaxed a bit and that was the end.
We had a bit of a chat after class and she said, she tries to encourage people to do the breathing, but she saw I was feeling sick and everything was good.

I am thinking of perhaps taking a day break, tomorrow is Friday and the traffic is just awful (plus no morning class) and perhaps going on Saturday.

I realized also I need to do other for of exercise, so I will start with walking and maybe join a gym. The only thing about the gym which is currently putting me off is the $200 joining fee, I’ve spent about $500 for clothes, running shoes, mat, towel and such items and currently another $200 on top of a 3 month fee is just a bit much. I’ll see if they have some specials. What do you guys think?

Thank you so much for the support.

sfbjork, thank you so much for sharing that with me it is really encouraging to now there are such amazing and supportive people out there willing to help anyone.
I will definitely write to you and let you know how my progress goes, but I’ll also keep posting here. I was supposed to go to one studio today but had to work rather late so I’m going tomorrow to sign up. I am anxious and worried/scared, but I know I need to do this.

I’m also worried about what my parents will say. I have no siblings and while as a child I was given anything I wanted my parents were also always working and we never had a healthy lifestyle. Our weekends were either spent at home or them working with my grandmother who was ill herself took care of me. My parents thought that by giving a 11 yr old money to buy junk food would substitute their presence. High school was even worse, I changed high schools to scape being called “porka spice” but I never told my parents the real reason for the change, and while I know they love me we never had a very close relationship where we could just talk. I realize my weight problem isn’t all my parents fault, but I do feel it is their fault for not setting limits or teaching me what I should be eating at a younger age. I also know they had problems in their lives moving to a new country so they had to work, but I just wish they had “talked” with me. I remember ever in high school my mother would tell me ” Elle, lose some weight. look how big you are”. but it was never that easy, you can’t just tell someone to go and lose the weight, there is so much more to it than that. Everyone in my family and extended family ALWAYS told me I was fat, I would be better looking if I was skinny or that no one will want me if I didn’t lose weight. I remember being on a diet at 20 and my mother telling me “well of course you don’t have a boyfriend, no one wants a fat person”.

My mothers mother as far as I can remember has always been saying telling me that fat people are the only ones who sweat and it makes me so angry because it isn’t true! I am bigger than her yet she sweats more than me. I have always felt like the black sheep of the family. I stand up for myself but there is just so much I can take.
I don’t really have a support system, my parents to this day are still wrapped up in their own problems. My mother to this day still tells me ” you are so fat, go to the gym”. I never had the courage to tell her ” I am scared I am afraid of people judging me because if MY FAMILY is judging me what will others do then?”

Every relationship I ever had was an online relationship and every single of those “cyber” relationships turned in to emotional abuse. I still thank God for giving me life, for giving me courage to continue, but I just feel so much negativity around me that at times its hard to look on the bright side.

Last year was the first time in a good 15 years that I went to the beach. A cousin from Europe was visiting and she really wanted to go, she boosted up my confidence and told me “lets just go, no one will look at you” and we did and it was okay. But I don’t think I have the guts to go alone.

I know everyone has their story, this is mine and while I wish it was different, I am in some ways also glad to have gone through this because I would never treat my child the way my mother treated me or said the things she did. My father was always the quiet time, he never told me anything like that, but he also never encouraged me.

Thank you both so much for your replies. I greatly appreciate the time you took to respond to my thread.
I will definitely be reading a lot of what the forum has to offer. I really want to get out there and start living life, I’ve been too closed in my shell for far too long and I think Yoga is the way to go.

One thing I read on an article somewhere they say for people who are overweight or beginners in general it might be best for them to learn some of the poses before going to class. Is this something I should try to get my self familiar with before signing up to at least 10 classes?
I feel if I sign up to a number of classes that will also motivate me to go since I’ve paid for them.

I’m also wondering if there is anyone on the forum from Melbourne (Australia) and if you know of any good studios? I’m looking for some Hot Yoga places around my area but there don’t seem to really be any. I might have to travel about 15-20 min with car.